Buccaneers Holding Up Lockout


TAMPA — As our very own Partik Nohe reported earlier today, the NFL Lockout is nearing an end.

But it’s not without it’s last minute courtroom drama.

It has been brought to public attention that there is one major thing holding up the NFL resuming its normal schedule, or however normal it can be. But this one stalemate has brought the players and the owners together in calling for this one last minute change to the new CBA.

That change would require all layers under contract on roster for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers to play the entire 2011 season with their left arms tied behind their backs and an eye patch over their right eye.

“It’s the only way we can truly level the playing field,” said a federal representative. “Here you have one absolutely dominant force that is only going to get more dominant in the future as the days continue.”

“We don’t feel safe.” said an unnamed New Orleans Saint’s quarterback, “It’s almost like every time we play them the last game of the year they have some sort of advantage we don’t. I fear for my safety every time we play them.”

This last minute scramble to do something about this unseen problem raises many questions as to the real reason for the lockout. In the eleventh hour, to suggest such a drastic change is to suggest that it was a factor all along.

“It wasn’t a total factor all along.” said a rep. “But it was on all our minds. If we are going to save ourselves we need to get this into the deal.”

I spoke to a players agent who referred to the hold up as “detrimental” to getting the lockout ended. He however, expressed doubt that even with the proposed plan of the left arm behind the back and the eye patch over the right eye that any success will be had.

Officials within the NFL declined to comment on the issue but several lawyers have said they will talk throughout the weekend to try and reach some sort of an agreement on the issue.

The only thing to take from these latest developments is that the entire idea and basis for the NFL Lockout, that has lasted since March, is as ridiculous and outrageous as this article. The bright side that an end is near, but it is clear that there is much work to do to restore the pristine image that the NFL held prior to this embarrassing debacle of millionaires bickering with billionaires and holding us ‘normal folk’ hostage.

Football is right around the corner, but lets not forget how highly the players and owners hold the fan in regard.

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