Every offseason, the NFL sends along a list of things that a select group of capital-B Borning executives no longer find funny – or are personally offended by for unexplainable reasons – and this year, a Baker Mayfield classic found its way onto the list.
You know how, when you watch some NFL games, they're fun? Or, at least they're supposed to be.
Watching the best players in the world make some of the craziest plays you've ever seen is inherently fun and deserves to be played up as the herculean feats they are with celebrations afterwards. Sometimes those celebrations catch on, and it becomes an even more fun, harmless internet trend that distracts us from everything else in life.
RELATED: Projected trade would leave Buccaneers with an easy decision on draft day
Hear me out: What if none of that existed anymore? More specifically, hear the NFL out. What if the league diluted its product to its most reductive and boring form? Well, great news: we're getting there!
Before we go any further, I want to quickly prepare you for how hard your eyes are about to roll in the next 35 seconds or so – just be careful.
The NFL just took away one of Baker Mayfield's favorite celebrations
Earlier this week, teams were sent an updated rules manual, and a little provision in Rule 12, Section 3, Article 1(d) – just in case you didn't get that far in your casual peruse – caught a lot of people's eye:
"Any violent gesture, a throat slash, simulating firing or brandishing a gun, or using the 'nose wipe' gesture, or an act that is sexually suggestive or offensive."
We'll pause here so you can go pick up your eyes after they just rolled out of your head.
Sighhhhhhhh.
It's very on brand for the NFL to see one fairly innocuous celebration that picks up a bunch of steam and immediately get scared of it, panic, and ban it. 15 yards! Just go ban the first down point in entirety at this point! What are we waiting for? We're barreling towards a world where the only dances allowed are the slightly-outdated viral TikTok dances that the NFL's brand partners designate as acceptable, so let's just get on with it.
Maybe everyone can just cordially shake hands after a play well run. God forbid there are kids on playgrounds all across America pointing forward for three (3) seconds after they get a first down.
Thank you for your diligence on this issue, NFL. This is what we were asking for, you answered, and we're all entirely, totally, absolutely better for it.